dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
