i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
