why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
