i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
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