i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
