At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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