Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
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