Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
No...this little piggys going to the bar
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
