I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
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