I am puke
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
