Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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