That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
He passed out mid-signature
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
