i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
