and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
