are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
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