Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
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