We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
