It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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