yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i think my mom watched the whole time
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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