I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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