hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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