can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
