So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
