It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
