Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
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