I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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