I wish they made helmets for livers.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
