....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
