# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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