my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
