I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
