I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
