Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
