I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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