not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
