I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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