I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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