I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
nutella sex= disaster
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
