mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
