If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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