Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
