well I can't set my house on fire every night
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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