Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
