everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
