My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
