I wish I could teleport
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
