You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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