i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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