I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
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