so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
