The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
