im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
