Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
