if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
