oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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