He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
