oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
