Dual....:-)
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
