Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
